News

News update: March 2010

This month’s newsletter looks at the important topic of loss and bereavement. 3% of pupils in a secondary school will have lost a parent and 60% will have faced a major bereavement. This article will look at ways of supporting a bereaved pupil.

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Loss and Bereavement

Many children with whom we work will have faced loss or bereavement. 3% in any secondary school will have lost a parent and 60% will have faced a major bereavement. Children who face a bereavement are likely to go on to have emotional and behavioural difficulties and to suffer from ill health. Young people’s view of death or a bereavement varies with age. Adolescents have an adult understanding of death. Younger pupils, before the age of 6, see death as temporary. By the age of 7 or 8 most see it as permanent.

A majority of children are likely to have experienced a significant loss due to a break-up of the family with parents separating or getting divorced. This break-up can be an extremely traumatic event for many pupils. The Office for National Statistics (ONS) has said that children do suffer badly from parental break-up with children in such situations more than four and a half times more likely to develop an emotional disorder than those whose parents stay together. Chaotic home lives brought about by splintered families and hugely complicated extended families can lead to severe behaviour problems and mental health issues. A parent who is serving a custodial sentence or when a parent moves away to work can also lead to strong feelings of loss.

Loss can also occur when pupils change schools regularly and they can be left to feel isolated. A change of class or when they have a change of TA or support worker can have a profound effect. A friend moving away can also generate feelings of loss. Failure to achieve a pass or hoped for mark in an assessment can also cause a feeling of loss. Learners with impairment or syndromes and conditions can also feel that they have lost out on opportunities – e.g. a dyslexic student unable to complete tasks as quickly as other pupils.

Some pupils will experience loss which can have a severe impact on them and can lead to them suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This may occur when they discover a body of a loved one e.g. through suicide. The increasing influence of gangs and youth communities in schools means many pupils are now witnessing extreme violence – attacks on individuals and even murder. This can have immense effects on them.

Children’s reactions to loss will vary. Some will display behavioural problems and aggressive behaviours, whereas in others eating and sleep disorders can develop. Some pupils attempt to replace the person lost or may adopt the mannerisms of the lost person. They may show some of the following emotions: anxiety, guilt, sorrow, regret or even anger.

The process of understanding and accepting loss can be shown in 7 stages. When we first hear about the loss we can feel:

• Shock – A numb feeling. How do we handle this?

• Denial – Not facing up to the loss – if I ignore it, it will go away.

When we have taken on board the loss we can feel:

• Anger – we can repress it – act in (stuffer). As a result it can lead to ill health, stress and depression. We could also act out and direct our anger inappropriately (displacement) or direct it at someone who is closest to us to get it out.

• Guilt – A feeling of what could I have done to avoid the loss occurring?

• Bargaining – We try to restore the loss. There is an emotional yearning to restore the loss. If it is bereavement we may seek an alternative figure.

• Depression – We ultimately recognize that we are powerless over loss.

The final stage is one of acceptance:

• Acceptance – We accept the loss and are still sad about it.

The move from initial news of loss to acceptance is difficult and will take varying lengths of time for each pupil. Many pupils will show high levels of denial, restlessness, withdrawal, they can become hype-sensitive to criticism and will find it very difficult to concentrate when they are faced with loss.

With bereavement we sometimes find it difficult to discuss the issue of death – we can have a view not to discuss the issue and in time they will get over it. This can be a real problem as the long-term effects of bereavement can lead to feelings of guilt, low self-esteem and depression into adulthood as was found in a Canadian study of adults aged 25 to 35 who had lost a parent from 6 months – 16 years of age. There is no normal reaction to bereavement in pupils. The grieving process has no common timescale. It can last many years in some cases. Some children can blame themselves for the death – even though it is nothing to do with them. They will often form a close attachment to a remaining relative e.g. if grandfather dies, then they will attach themselves to the grandmother. Some children may well develop Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and develop rituals in an attempt to stop death occurring to another relative. The death of someone close may also cause the development of a strong fear of dying and children may become preoccupied by death.

Supporting the bereaved student

• When supporting a bereaved pupil it is important to have an understanding of cultural and religious differences relating to death. We should not try to impose our own beliefs of values on them.

• Schools should have a bereavement policy – an action plan if a number of pupils are involved in an accident

• What to do if a pupil dies – grieving collectively, memorial service, memorial garden

• Death Education -  a map showing where bereavement is discussed

  • SEAL

  • RE

  • English

  • Biology

  • Music

• Have effective pastoral support through TAs, Tutors and Pastoral Heads

• Have a space to go to, sanctuary or quiet area

• Peer support systems where pupils volunteer who have previously faced a bereavement counsel others

• Offer religious support

• Involve immediate peer group of bereaved pupil – frame of reference for support

• Discreet monitoring of pupils needs to take place

• Many bereaved pupils will need high levels of support from certain staff. E.g. Counsellor might discuss issues to do with regret and unfinished business the pupil may have with a close relative who has died.

One strategy that is used is the child talks to an object which represents the person who has died e.g. a cushion on a chair, and says the things that they wished they could have said to that person. In some cases when the conversation is over they may wish to hug the cushion.

In conclusion it is important to highlight that there is no ‘normal’ reaction to death or a bereavement. But what you can do is to offer the necessary support. The school environment can be an extremely positive force in the grieving process – pupils find the structure and unchanging routine supportive and comforting.

References

• CRUSE: a charitable organization offering bereavement counseling, training workshops and publications.

  • www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

  • helpline: 0870 167 1677

• Long, R. 2005, The Rob Long Omnibus Edition of Better Behaviour – Routledge

• Hastings, Steven. Your weekly guide to Bereavement – TES Friday Magazine (13/09/02)

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