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FUNNIES!
This section is a zone where visitors can
share their funny stories and howlers from their schools /
colleges. Those collected so far are given below. If you
would like to add any, e-mail them to me at
dave@behaviourmatters.com
Questions and Unusual Answers
TEACHER: Don, what
is the chemical formula for water?
FRASER: H I
J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
FRASER: Yesterday you said it’s H to
O.
TEACHER: Class, can someone tell me
where Hadrian’s Wall was built?
PUPIL: Around Hadrian’s garden.
TEACHER:
Can someone in the class tell me where the American
Declaration of Independence was signed?
PUPIL: At the bottom.
TEACHER:
Kylie, why are you doing your Maths multiplications on the
floor?
KYLIE: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER:
Now, Dewi, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating?
DEWI: No
sir, I don’t have to, my mother is a good cook.
TEACHER:
Where do dates grow?
PUPIL: On a calendar.
QUESTION:
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
ANSWER:
He liked to chop and change.
QUESTION:
Who invented fractions?
ANSWER:
Henry the 1/8th
QUESTION:
Who invented the first fireplace?
ANSWER:
Alfred the Grate.
TEACHER:
What is the best way to protect crops from storms?
PUPIL: By planting trees. A 20m tree can break wind
for 100m
QUESTION: What is the capital
of India?
ANSWER: I
TEACHER:
George Washington chopped down his father’s cherry tree and
also admitted doing it. Why didn’t
his father punish him?
PUPIL: Because George still had his axe in his hand.
TEACHER:
What was the fate of Anne Boleyn?
PUPIL: She was condomed to death.
Written Howlers
When PC
Dixon visited school he had a helmet and a smart white shit.
The ship SS
Great Britain was built by King Dom Brunel of Israel.
In Geography we learned that countries
with sea around them are islands and ones without are
incontinent.
According to one pupil, when writing
about Scandinavia, Finnish people come from Finland, Danish
from Denmark and Lapdancers come from Lapland.
Joan of Ark was famous as Noah’s wife.
A consonant is a large piece of land
surrounded by water.
Pine is an example of a carnivorous tree
If it is less than 90 degrees it is a
cute angel
The adder is a poisonous snack
Signs and Notices
Sign Outside a hall: Quiet,
Please. Exam in progress. Do not pass
Sign in Primary School: Children
must not skate on the frozen water unless passed by the
Head.
Notice:
Will the individual who borrowed a ladder from the caretaker
last month kindly return the same immediately otherwise
further steps will be taken.
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